CEO burnout can build for years behind a successful title. A former co-CEO of a health tech company tells Jeremy Van Wert how childhood conditioning and constant pressure to be perfect wore her down, what she learned by asking who she is without her title, and what she experienced at a ceremonial psychedelic retreat.
ᛉKey takeaways
- Christine says she learned in childhood that being loved meant adapting to what others needed, and that this shaped a perfect persona she carried into her career.
- She says the pressure of trying to be everything to everyone showed up physically before she broke, and she left her company after eight years.
- A message that asked, “Who are you without everything you've created?” pushed her to question an identity built on a title.
- Her view is that you do not have to give more than your job agreement asks, and that boundaries give you more freedom than most people think.
- She believes the ego protects us as children, and that it becomes a problem when it is driven by fear instead of love, trust and faith.
- Her closing view: where you are today is enough, and nobody has anything to prove.
ᛃ Moments in this one
ᚠCEO burnout starts long before the breaking point
Christine Clyne Sparker did what she calls all the right things: the right school, a corporate career in medical device sales, and eventually the co-CEO role at a health tech company that began as a startup. Her book, Unwinding Perfect, tells of a woman raised to be perfect who realized it no longer served her.
She does not blame her parents; she says perfection was ingrained from their own childhoods. As the youngest of four in a family shaped by divorce, she adapted by being the easy child who did not ask for her needs to be met. She built a persona around being loved and carried it into friendships, marriage and work.
She resigned from the company in April of 2023 after eight years and took a sabbatical of a little over a year. The pressure of being everything to everyone finally got to her, she says, while her marriage had been failing for a long time.
ᚢWhat it looked like in her body and her days
Christine says it was always too big to carry, but as a conditioned, perfect soldier she made it work. She attended everything but was never mentally present, always thinking about what came next. Her health suffered, with illnesses that lasted weeks and thinning hair.
At the end of 2019 a massage therapist told her she was on a wheel, spinning and spinning, and could not get off. She did not yet have the tools, she says, to look at her patterns or the shadows she hid.
As she became more aware, the weight grew heavier because she could no longer run from it. She and her husband decided to separate in late 2022, and she left the company soon after. “It was either do that,” she says, “or something really bad and really drastic was going to happen.” If this sounds familiar, the Mindful Mutiny community offers real conversation, live Fireside Chats and a course library.
ᚦWho am I without my title?
Jeremy notes that executive pressure is isolating, since people's connection to you is largely built on your title. He asks how hard it was to pull the rip cord when the next role might not say CEO. Christine says it was extremely hard.
The question that stayed with her came from a woman who became a catalyst in her growth: who are you without everything you've created? Her friends, neighbors and even her children saw her through the CEO identity. When she resigned and had no emails, no meetings and no one needing her, she says she had to ask again what her worth was without the prestige.
She is still working on it. Recently she wondered whether what she built could simply be enough. “We don't have to prove anything to anyone,” she says. If you are asking a version of that question, Jeremy offers individual therapy and coaching, and you do not have to answer it alone.
ᚨRewriting the rules: boundaries at work
Christine sees more awareness of burnout in the workplace, with younger workers demanding better balance, but says the work that matters most is personal. For her it was learning boundaries and learning that it is okay to say no to things that do not light her up, including clients and opportunities that were not the right fit.
Her view for employees is that you sign a contract to do your job well and with integrity, and nowhere does it say you must give 150 percent. You do not have to volunteer for extra projects or put up with comments that make you uncomfortable. Understanding that, she says, gives you more power and freedom than most of us were raised to believe.
ᚱWhy so many of us feel we aren't enough
Jeremy asks why so many people struggle with the idea that we are all enough. Christine says it starts early, with childhood conditioning and generational patterns. On her father's side there was criticism, and on her mother's side she was not allowed to make mistakes. She learned she was enough only when she was not herself.
Her older sister responded the opposite way, by being herself and saying keep judging me. Christine believes you will never feel whole until you look at your shadows and accept yourself with them.
ᚲWhy she chose a retreat weekend
The episode is recorded in two parts. In the first, Christine describes a daily spiritual practice and the retreat she was about to attend, a meditation retreat that ends with a ceremonial journey including psychedelics. She is clear that she is not telling anyone to do the same. For her it was a necessary next step because she felt stuck.
Her intentions were to transcend the limits of her ego and to let go of control. She says everyone needs an ego because it keeps us safe as children, but it becomes a problem when it chases materiality or lets fear rule instead of love, trust and faith. Both she and Jeremy note that this kind of work is not for everyone.
If you are curious about deeper work, Jeremy's own retreat, Light in the Mountains, is a three-day small-group psychedelic-assisted psychotherapy retreat in the Sierra Nevada.
ᚷWhat she says she experienced, and letting go of perfect
In the second part, recorded a week later, Christine describes a structured weekend with nine women and a trained woman leader. She says she felt embraced immediately, and that a fear of public speaking no longer showed up when it was her turn to share. She also describes a vision of a winged woman, and says a woman at the retreat then told her, “She is you.”
At one point she sat in front of a mirror and saw herself at 70. She says she felt acceptance rather than fear, as if the final piece of perfect had been shed. She also describes the divine masculine and feminine as forces that need balance. These are her personal experiences and beliefs, and this post does not present them as fact.
ᚹIntegration and what comes next
Jeremy says Christine is now in an integration space, putting what she saw into action. Christine says she plans to keep advising and working with entrepreneurs in a very different way than before.
She adds that you do not need a retreat like this to find this kind of knowledge. It takes being quiet and being willing to examine your shadows, which she says is scary and messy. If this episode has you wondering what comes next, Jeremy offers a straight read on whether therapy and retreat work suits you.
Psychedelics and plant medicines may be illegal where you live and aren't right for everyone. Nothing here is a recommendation to use any substance. Christine's spiritual experiences are her own and are not medical advice or established fact. If you are struggling, please reach out to a licensed mental health professional or your local emergency services.
ᚨ Questions people ask
What does CEO burnout look like?
Christine says hers showed up as constant pressure to be perfect, being physically present but mentally elsewhere, and repeated illness for weeks at a time. She says it had been too big to carry for a long time before she resigned.
How do you find your identity without a job title?
Christine says the question “Who are you without everything you've created?” pushed her to look beyond her CEO identity. She is still working on it and believes where you are today is enough.
Do you have to give 150 percent at work?
Christine's view is that your agreement is to do your job well and with integrity, and that you do not have to give more. She believes boundaries give you more freedom than most people realize.
What is the ego, according to Christine?
She says the ego keeps us safe as children and teaches us how to fit in. In her view it becomes a problem when fear and materiality drive it instead of love, trust and faith.