Family trauma and addiction often travel together, and Jordan Turbyfill says he lived both. He grew up watching a parent struggle with addiction, then found himself drinking to numb the same hurt. In this conversation with Jeremy Van Wert, he explains what pushed him to sobriety and how faith, routine and boundaries help him stay on course.
ᛉKey takeaways
- Jordan says he learned to cope with pain through anger as a child, and later through alcohol, because that is what he saw modeled around him.
- He describes two DUIs, a night in jail and a prayer as the turning point that made him decide never to drink again.
- Jordan says sobriety gave him more clarity, control and love to give his family.
- He keeps a daily routine of Bible reading and exercise that he calls non-negotiable.
- He has set firm boundaries with a parent he still loves, saying he wants a relationship that is not built around requests for money.
- Jordan says he now leads his crew with love rather than the anger he saw growing up.
ᛃ Moments in this one
ᚠGrowing up around addiction and chaos
Family trauma and addiction shaped Jordan's childhood. He was born in Anaheim and raised near Grass Valley in Northern California, the youngest of four siblings. Things changed when his parents divorced around the time he was 7, which he describes as many chaotic events rather than one clean split.
He describes his father as a former Marine who was intimidating, and says he feared him more than anyone. After the divorce, he says, his dad went back to school, became a builder and did everything he could to raise Jordan and his brother. Jordan's mother, he says, went the opposite direction, and he lived through years of hard moments tied to her addiction.
Jordan says he had no way to process what he was seeing, so he turned to anger. Other kids at school said hurtful things about his mother, he fought them and he was suspended. He says he hated the person he was becoming, and that it took years to work through.
ᚢLearning to say no to someone you love
As Jordan got older, he understood what was happening and says he felt helpless to change it. He tells Jeremy that no words or money could help his mother, and that giving money only meant it went to more drugs. For him, one of the hardest lessons was telling someone he loves that he could not help them in that way.
He and his brothers once tried a last-ditch effort to get her into rehab. Jordan says she checked herself out the next day, which taught him that nobody takes help until they are ready. His view now is that the best way to help someone is to work on yourself first.
Jordan went to therapy for about a year when he was 18, and says he has never received a PTSD diagnosis. If you are carrying something similar and want to talk it through, Jeremy offers individual therapy and psychedelic integration work, and you can read more about it on his page for working together.
ᚦFollowing the same pattern: alcohol and anger
Jeremy suggests that what was modeled to Jordan was that substances mute pain, and Jordan agrees. He believes people tend to do what they were taught, and he says he started smoking weed and drinking to drown his sorrow. Drinking, he says, made him feel masculine, but he now sees it as a sign of how much pain he was in.
He describes blackouts and violent episodes he does not recognize as himself. Looking back, he says it was everything he had watched as a kid. This is how he sees his own experience, and it is not a claim about everyone who grows up around addiction.
Jordan now has a baby of 14 months and says children see and imitate everything. For him, the best way to affect his child is to remove the things that caused problems in his own family, starting with alcohol. That is the cycle he says he is trying to break.
ᚨThe DUI, a night in jail and choosing sobriety
When Jeremy asks what it took to get clean, Jordan points to a DUI at 20. He says he blacked out, crashed his truck into a tree and woke up in the hospital. He says that was a change in his mind, but not yet a change in his habits: he stopped drinking for about a year, then started again, telling himself it would be once a month.
He says it quickly became every weekend, and about five years later he got a second DUI and jail time in downtown Los Angeles. In the cell, he says, he thought, "This isn't who I am," and prayed constantly without speaking to anyone. One night he asked God to get him out and promised to change forever, and he says a guard called his name right after he said amen.
From that point, Jordan says, he decided he could never drink again. Jeremy's introduction says he has been sober for seven years. Jordan says he feels stronger without alcohol, with more clarity, control and love to give his family.
ᚱFaith, daily routine and staying grounded
Jordan says his parents brought the family around church, and he is grateful for that. Today, he says he reads the Bible every morning as one of his non-negotiable routines, and he believes that what he lived through happened to help him grow as a leader. These are his beliefs, and he shares them as his own path.
He also lifts weights and runs, and talks about stacking small daily choices and getting right back on when you fall off. If you want to build habits like these alongside other people, Jeremy's community, Thriving Spirits, runs live Fireside Chats and a course library. You can join the Mindful Mutiny community.
ᚲA message for people in the trades
Jordan owns a flooring business and wants to reach people who work in construction and the trades. He thinks many have half the puzzle figured out, which is hard physical work, but neglect their health and drink to get through the week. He says his own father spent his life in construction and ended up with little time or energy for his kids.
His advice is to put yourself first, because the people who get the higher-paying jobs are the ones who show up healthy and clear-headed. He also says to see the whole picture rather than just reacting when you are pushed to rush.
ᚷLeading with love and setting boundaries with a parent
Jordan says his experience shaped how he leads his crews. He was raised with an aggressive style of leadership, and he now believes love beats anger every time. He shows up daily, spends time with his team and tries to encourage them after finishing his morning routine.
He also tells Jeremy about reconnecting with his mother about nine months earlier through letters and calls. When the contact turned into constant requests for money, he chose to block her to protect himself and his family. He says he still wants a relationship, but not one built on money, and he lets the story pass through him rather than carrying it as something that happened to him.
If you are working out where your own limits are with someone you love, Jeremy offers a private 30-minute conversation about what could help. You can book a consultation with him, or read his straight take on whether his therapy and retreat work is the right fit for you.
This episode discusses addiction and suicide attempts, so if you are struggling, please call or text 988 in the US or reach out to a mental health professional. Jordan shares his own experience and beliefs, and none of it is medical advice.
ᚨ Questions people ask
How does family trauma lead to addiction?
Jordan believes people tend to do what they were taught. He says he grew up seeing substances used to numb pain, so he drank to numb his own. This is his experience and not a rule for everyone.
How can you break the cycle of addiction in a family?
Jordan says he is trying to break it by removing alcohol and setting a different example for his own child. He says children see and imitate everything, so he works on himself first.
Can you help someone who is not ready to get clean?
Jordan says nobody takes help until they are ready, even after a loving effort like getting a parent into rehab. He believes you help most by working on yourself.
How can you set boundaries with a parent who is still struggling?
Jordan tells Jeremy he has said no to constant requests for money, stepped back from contact and let his mother know he wants a relationship, not a money-based one. He says the decision was hard but spared him daily grief.