ADHD rage is often anger that has piled up after years of letdowns and rejection, according to Jeremy Van Wert and ADHD coach Ron Souers. Ron says suppressing anger only makes it stronger, so he teaches clients to get curious about it. This conversation also covers rejection sensitivity, a three-minute meditation start, a two-minute fix for procrastination and how bosses can support neurodivergent employees.
ᛉKey takeaways
- Jeremy describes ADHD rage as a "syndrome of rage" that can build after a lifetime of letdowns and rejection piled on top of each other.
- Ron says anger is simply another emotion, and that suppressing it makes it stronger until it explodes over something small.
- Ron asks clients to be curious about their anger and to ask whether a situation is a hill they want to die on today.
- Ron suggests starting meditation with just three minutes, and starting a stuck task with just two.
- Ron believes procrastination comes more from perfectionism than from laziness.
- For supervisors, Ron's advice is to treat a neurodivergent employee the way you wish your own boss had treated you.
ᛃ Moments in this one
ᚠWhat is ADHD rage, and where does it come from?
Jeremy says that many people with ADHD deal with a lot of anger. It does not always come out physically. Often it is internalized hurt, and in his opinion it comes from a lifetime of letdowns and rejection.
When rejection lands on top of rejection, Jeremy says, it can turn into what he calls a "syndrome of rage." It is hard on the person who carries it and on the people around them, who may not know when the anger will let go. Jeremy notes that people with ADHD tend to carry it for a long time.
Ron Souers, an ADHD coach and author, says this matches his own experience. He describes carrying deep-seated anger about the world, a fiery pulse at the core of who he was, which he was taught to suppress.
ᚢHow to redirect ADHD rage instead of suppressing it
Ron's central point is that anger is just another emotion and can be used in a healthy way. He gives Martin Luther King Jr. as an example of someone who redirected anger into something productive, and notes that without that anger he might not have stood up.
With clients, Ron teaches them to look at the anger, explore it and stay curious. He asks himself whether a situation is a hill he wants to die on today, and whether he can keep putting up with whatever set him off. If he is too worked up to answer, his first step is to calm down or let it out, and sometimes that means screaming in his car so he does not take it out on another person.
He also talks it through with other people, and says that hearing himself say it shows him how strong the feeling is or how ridiculous it seems. Ron adds that anger often covers up other emotions. In his view, every time you suppress it, it gets stronger, and then it explodes over what looks like nothing, the straw that breaks the camel's back.
ᚦRejection sensitivity and how to cope with it
A big part of coping, in Ron's telling, is speaking up before the pressure builds. He describes the kind of calm request that heads off an explosion later: telling someone how their words landed, acknowledging they probably did not mean it that way, and asking for something different because you want to work together.
Ron's journal for adults with ADHD takes the same approach. It offers prompts such as why a certain criticism affects him more when some people say it, and where that reaction is coming from. He also advises writing down a full situation, including what happened and how it felt, so you can process it outside your head, since your brain may interpret it differently.
Jeremy offers ADHD coaching for people who want support with patterns like these, and he lays out his approach on his individual work page.
ᚨSpiritual practice, a three-minute meditation and mindful strengths
Ron speaks openly about his Christian faith. He says it helps him feel that he is not broken, and that scripture and prayer help with focus, doubt and anxiety. He presents this as his own belief.
Jeremy says people with ADHD often struggle with low self-image and tend to loop on negativity. He encourages clients to define some spiritual practice, whether or not they hold a defined faith, because it creates a discipline outside the distractions of the world. For meditation, which he says is hard for people with ADHD, his advice is to start with three minutes, maybe three times a day.
Ron also describes mindfulness-based strengths practice, which combines mindfulness with 24 character strengths such as honesty, kindness, curiosity and humor. Most people have a top five, he says, but few know theirs because we are taught to focus on what we are bad at. People who want to talk through practices like these with others can find real conversation, live Fireside Chats and a course library in Thriving Spirits, the Mindful Mutiny community.
ᚱWhy procrastination is not laziness, and the two-minute start
Asked for one simple strategy for task initiation, Ron first says procrastination is not laziness. He believes it comes more from a perfectionist mindset: if the task cannot be done perfectly, it cannot be started.
His fix is to give yourself two minutes and one task. For a book or thesis, that could be the title, the purpose or an outline. If you keep going, great, and if not, you have started.
Ron also recommends free writing, where you set a timer for 10 to 20 minutes and brain dump whatever thoughts come, without worrying whether it makes sense. Jeremy adds that this draws on the creativity he sees in people with ADHD.
ᚲNeurodivergent thinking at work: what leaders can do
Ron believes the world needs more neurodivergent thinkers because of the creativity and outside-the-box thinking they bring, especially in business. He points to Tesla as a company that gives its leaders autonomy, and suggests that something as simple as a walking meeting can help someone who feels boxed in.
Jeremy encourages his clients to seek flexible jobs. He says people in driving or highly mobile jobs often do well, while some clients, such as attorneys who must sit through long hours, struggle even when they mask well.
Ron says the hidden cost of ignoring neurodivergence is high turnover and weaker systems. He argues that the smartest person in the room knows they are not, and surrounds themselves with diverse thinkers. His advice for a supervisor is to treat the employee like the boss you wish you had: pull them aside, ask what is going on, notice what they do well, give them some rope and be vulnerable about your own struggles.
ᚷWhere this leaves you
Jeremy closes by saying he loves Ron's openness and the way he has turned a personal struggle into help for others. Jeremy notes that many people are being diagnosed in midlife and waking up to why they are the way they are.
Ron's closing message is that you have something to offer the world. If you want to talk through whether coaching or therapy with Jeremy could be a fit, you can book a private consultation.
This post is educational and is not a substitute for therapy or medical advice. Recovery and faith are discussed as the guest's personal experience. If you are struggling, please reach out to a licensed mental health professional or your local emergency services.
ᚨ Questions people ask
What is ADHD rage?
Jeremy describes it as a buildup of internalized hurt and anger, rooted in a lifetime of letdowns and rejection. He calls it a "syndrome of rage" that is hard for the person and for those around them. Ron says the anger often covers other emotions.
How do you cope with rejection sensitivity?
Ron suggests exploring the feeling with curiosity, writing down what happened and how it felt, and talking it over with someone. He also recommends speaking up early and calmly, so resentment does not pile up. This is one coach's approach and not medical advice.
Why is suppressing anger a problem, according to Ron?
Ron says every time you suppress anger it gets stronger, and it can end up exploding over something small. He believes anger can be used in a healthy way, for example by calming down first and then deciding what to say.
How can someone with ADHD start a task they keep avoiding?
Ron says procrastination often comes from perfectionism, not laziness. His suggestion is to give yourself two minutes and one task, such as writing a title or an outline, and to continue only if you want to.
How can a boss support a neurodivergent employee?
Ron advises treating the employee the way you wish your own boss had treated you. Be curious, ask what is going on, notice what they do well, give them room to try and be open about your own struggles.