Discovering autism later in life can make an old school story make sense. Jesse Watkins, an eighth grade teacher, says that in his 40s he began to see his school struggles through a neurodivergent lens, and that it changed how he treats himself and his students. In this conversation with Jeremy Van Wert, he talks about self-compassion, emotional intelligence and what school could teach instead.
ᛉKey takeaways
- Jesse says he came to recognize in his 40s that he is on the autism spectrum, and that looking back from that lens made much of his school years make sense.
- He describes a harsh inner voice that sounded like coaches, military supervisors and his father, and says it stopped once a therapist asked whose voice it was.
- Jesse believes students find learning easier when their emotional well-being is in a good place.
- He is working on a curriculum that teaches emotional intelligence and DBT-style skills from an early age.
- His advice to parents is to be open to what they see in their child, accept who they are, then educate themselves.
ᛃ Moments in this one
ᚠDiscovering autism later in life: how Jesse put it together in his 40s
Jesse says the start of COVID was a turning point. He was in his first full year of teaching and, sent home, he turned inward and began working on his physical health. While researching how he used to sit in the W position and walk on his toes as a kid, he found that these were listed as symptoms of autism.
He kept reading and realized the symptoms sounded familiar. He says he reached out to Jeremy, someone who knew him and had a professional background, and then began re-examining his life and relationships through that lens. He says light bulbs went off about why some things had happened.
Jesse says he had never thought of himself as having ADHD, even though he sees it in children every day. Being more aware of his tendencies, he says, let him work on parts of his personality he did not like. Adults who suspect something similar may find it useful to talk it through, and Jeremy offers ADHD coaching and therapy through his individual work.
ᚢGrowing up gifted and struggling in school
Jesse was raised mostly by his single mother and was one of the youngest in his class. From first grade on, he says, parent-teacher conferences focused on him not doing his work. He was academically gifted, and when teachers asked him to do his homework, he asked why, since he aced the tests.
No one could explain to him that practice might also be about doing work you do not want to do, a life lesson he says took a long time to arrive. He also struggled socially. He was an only child for eight years, and he did not read social cues well.
Looking back in his 40s, he says, much of this clicked into place.
ᚦWhat is Waldorf education, and how does it support the whole child?
Jesse now teaches eighth grade at a Waldorf-inspired public charter school. He fell into it when he took a basketball coaching job there. Waldorf, he explains, has been around for 100 years, began in Germany and focuses on the entire student rather than only academics.
The school puts heavy emphasis on art, music, gardening, outdoor play and cooperative work. Teachers also go with a class from year to year, which he says builds stronger bonds with students and families and more empathy for where behavior comes from.
Jesse has the freedom to bring in yoga, breath work, meditation and basic mental health lessons. His view is that when students feel better emotionally, homework completion, work quality and engagement all improve. He also says the school is very accepting of children who struggle to fit in elsewhere.
ᚨToxic masculinity, reparenting and healing in his 40s
Jesse describes himself as a sensitive kid, bullied in school. He says he learned to be tougher through wrestling, then developed a sharp sense of humor to push people away. After high school he spent nine years in the Navy and later worked in construction, environments he says reinforced the tough-guy image and shut down his empathy.
He says he began to reparent himself, meeting old memories as the adult he needed back then. He reports that this meant saying it was okay to feel things and to have made mistakes. It is also why he wanted to teach: to be the person he needed at that age.
Jesse also says his relationships changed. Some became better, and some no longer worked because he had changed so much. He now talks about balancing masculine and feminine energy, being stern enough to hold a boundary and caring enough to show compassion.
ᚱPsychedelics, plant medicine and a new spiritual openness
Jesse says that, partly inspired by Jeremy's research into psychedelics for therapy, he did his own reading and chose to try them. He describes his sessions as like a therapy session: often hard, sometimes tearful, and a way to face things he had pushed down. He says he has made peace with those memories and forgiven himself and others.
He describes himself as agnostic most of his life, and now spiritual but not religious. He says he has become open to things like acupuncture and Reiki, while still approaching them as a skeptic and asking whether they are healthy for him.
This is Jesse's personal account and not advice. Anyone drawn to deeper work can read about Light in the Mountains, a three-day small-group psychedelic-assisted psychotherapy retreat in the Sierra Nevada led by Jeremy.
ᚲSelf-compassion: whose voice is the harsh voice in your head?
In therapy, Jesse says, he was asked how he talked to himself. He told her he looked in the mirror and said, essentially, stop whining and get the job done. She asked if that was how he spoke to his students or players, and whose voice it was.
He realized it was his coaches, his military supervisors, his father and the men of construction. He says that once he saw how ridiculous it was, he stopped. Now, he says, he likes himself far more than he ever has and acts as his own cheering section.
People who want to practice that kind of self-kindness alongside others can find it in Thriving Spirits, the Mindful Mutiny community, which offers real conversation, live Fireside Chats and a course library.
ᚷWhat school could teach instead: emotional intelligence, grades and advice for parents
Jesse is working on a curriculum that teaches emotional intelligence and DBT-style skills from an early age. He notes that parents often ask him for a therapist for their child, and he sees therapists as educators who help people understand where emotions come from and how to regulate them.
He believes education is near a major shakeup, citing teacher shortages and large classes. He is skeptical of standardized testing and says grades pull students away from real learning. In his view, school should help kids learn to be good humans and to love learning.
For parents of neurodivergent children, Jesse says to be open to what you see, accept who your child is and then educate yourself. He remembers when kids like this were just labeled troublemakers.
Psychedelics and plant medicines may be illegal where you live and aren't right for everyone. Nothing here is a recommendation to use any substance. This episode shares one person's experience and isn't medical or mental health advice.
ᚨ Questions people ask
What is it like discovering autism later in life?
For Jesse Watkins, it was a revelation in his 40s that reframed his school years and relationships. He says it made things click into place and helped him work on how he treated himself and others.
Why was the harsh voice in his head not his own?
Jesse says a therapist asked him whose voice he used when he scolded himself. He traced it to coaches, military supervisors, his father and construction crews, and says he stopped once he saw it.
What is Waldorf education?
Jesse describes it as an approach that is about 100 years old, began in Germany and focuses on the whole student. He says it emphasizes art, music, gardening, outdoor play and keeping a class together from year to year.
What advice does Jesse give parents of neurodivergent children?
He suggests being open to what you see in your child, accepting who they are and listening to feedback from others in their life. Then, he says, educate yourself, because understanding their perspective helps you guide them.