To get comfortable being uncomfortable is, for former Navy SEAL Christopher Lee Maher, the biggest lesson of SEAL training. He tells Jeremy Van Wert how pushing his body to its limits left him in pain, why he came to see self-forgiveness and self-care as the turning point, and how he learned that choosing comfort can be a strength too.
ᛉKey takeaways
- Christopher says the most important lesson he took from SEAL training is to get comfortable being uncomfortable, since everything in training is uncomfortable.
- He describes SEAL training as a spiritual school because discipline, attention to detail and values are tested every day.
- In his view, the real healing is in giving yourself attention, affection and care, and the more he did, the faster his body healed.
- He says people are motivated more easily once they know their values, and that most people simply want to honor them.
- Christopher suggests asking whether you were rewarded for doing or for being, and being mutinous against excessive self-criticism.
ᛃ Moments in this one
ᚠWhen achievement costs your body
Christopher Lee Maher says he came to his work through suffering. He describes putting external achievements above his internal focus, which he says led to joint pain, intense insomnia and trouble with his vision and hearing. He calls it a spiritual and emotional sickness.
Jeremy recognizes the pattern in the people he works with: they do everything prescribed for a good life, and something is still missing. If that sounds familiar, Jeremy works with people on exactly this through individual therapy and coaching, which you can read about on his page for working together one on one.
Christopher does not claim this as a medical explanation. He describes his own experience and says he thought the pain was only from overtraining, and later came to see it as post-traumatic stress.
ᚢHyper-independence: how early beliefs keep you pushing
Christopher says he was emotionally connected to the people around him but hyper-independent, and that he refused to ask others for help. He ties this to years in boarding school and in the military, and to a saying he heard often as a child that God helps those who help themselves.
He says a belief taught to a seven-year-old again and again becomes a philosophy, without anyone examining its limits. In his words, he was driving the car faster than it could go, every day without reprieve, until his body pushed back.
ᚦSelf-forgiveness and self-love as the turning point
Jeremy says the real healing comes from forgiving yourself, not only others. Christopher agrees it mattered, but says the most important part for him was giving himself attention, affection and care. The more he gave himself, the faster his body healed.
He gives a plain example: when he feels love for himself, he reaches for an apple rather than a slice of pie. As he came to care about his body, he says, he made better choices about sleep and about what he lets into his mind.
He also describes stepping away from the drinking his family used to manage stress. These are his observations, and he does not offer them as medical advice.
ᚨWhat SEAL training teaches about getting comfortable being uncomfortable
Christopher says the biggest takeaway from SEAL training is to get comfortable being uncomfortable. He describes cold water, early morning training in February and an instructor staff that constantly changes the plan to keep trainees off balance. He says everyone who quits has a good reason, and everyone who stays also has one.
He applies it daily. He got out of bed 14 minutes before the interview instead of making excuses, and he says every chance he gets to be uncomfortable, he takes it. For parents, he says the child gives you a why, and that you need that kind of motivation for yourself as well.
He also tells of a winter training trip in Alaska where freezing seas, a failing engine and hypothermia were handled as standard procedure. His point is that you deal with what is in front of you, since life will always throw a speed bump.
ᚱIs SEAL training a spiritual school?
Christopher says yes. In his view, discipline, principles, values, ethics and attention to detail are spiritual qualities, and they are tested daily in SEAL training. He describes instructors trashing a room over one grain of sand, because God is in the details.
He says this is why people who meet SEALs find them unusual: they are disciplined, focused and open to change. Jeremy adds that endurance athletes sometimes reach a space beyond the pain, and Christopher says he experienced something similar in training.
ᚲFinding your values and choosing healthy selfishness
When people come to Christopher, he says he asks many questions to understand what they value. Once their intentions match those values, he says, they are more motivated and can endure more discomfort. In his view, most people simply want to honor their values but need to find out what they are.
He argues for being self-focused, meaning clear on your own agenda and on developing hope, love and gratitude, so that you give from excess rather than deficiency. He says people who sacrifice themselves to earn love eventually get drained. If you want a place to explore this with others, the Mindful Mutiny community offers real conversation, live Fireside Chats and a course library.
Christopher also talks about spaciousness, which he describes as giving yourself and others room to satisfy curiosity without judgment.
ᚷDoing versus being, and mutiny against self-criticism
Christopher describes a split between doing and being. He suggests asking what you were rewarded for growing up: achievements, or being kind. In his view, those rewarded for kindness keep deeper relationships, while those rewarded for doing can end up drained.
He gives a small example. If a sponge slips while he washes dishes, he can call himself stupid or simply pick it up. When he focuses on being, he says, he gives himself the space to make mistakes and learn from them.
His challenge for Mindful Mutiny listeners is to be mutinous against excessive self-criticism and self-judgment. He says that if you are kind, considerate and honest with yourself, those qualities spread to the people around you.
ᚹChoosing comfort: the sweat lodge moment
Christopher closes with a story from a sweat lodge in Iceland. In the fifth round, his fingertips were burning and he wanted to be the last to lower his hands. A voice told him he could lie on the cool ground, and he did. He says that was the day he put down the sword of being excessively macho.
He is clear that discomfort still has its place. The night before the interview he kept his word to himself by doing his exercises late at night, and he stopped when his body told him it was enough. For him, the skill is knowing how to choose either one.
If this conversation raises questions about healing and feeling stuck, Jeremy's Light in the Mountains retreat is a three-day small-group psychedelic-assisted psychotherapy retreat in the Sierra Nevada, and it is worth reading whether it might be right for you.
Christopher shares his personal experience and beliefs. Nothing here is medical advice or a promise that any approach will heal pain or trauma. If you are struggling, please reach out to a licensed professional.
ᚨ Questions people ask
What does it mean to get comfortable being uncomfortable?
For Christopher, it means treating discomfort as a normal part of growth, which he says SEAL training taught him. He also stresses that you should learn to choose comfort when it is the right call.
What can Navy SEAL training teach everyday people?
Christopher points to discipline, attention to detail, being flexible when plans change and dealing with what is in front of you. He sees these as spiritual qualities as much as physical ones.
Why does Christopher say forgiving yourself matters?
Jeremy says the deepest healing often comes from forgiving yourself. Christopher says giving himself attention, affection and care mattered most to him, and that his body healed faster as he did.
What is the difference between doing and being?
Christopher says doing is what you achieve, while being is how you show up, for example whether you are kind or harsh while you work. He believes judging your value by what you do can leave you drained.
How can you find your values?
Christopher says either investigate yourself or have someone question your thinking, review your history and look at how you cope with stress. He believes that once you know your values, it is easier to stay motivated.