Success vs fulfillment is the question Alan Lazarus faced at 26, when he had a six-figure engineering career and still felt something was missing. A car crash set off his quarter-life crisis. In this conversation with Jeremy Van Wert, he describes how he moved from achieving at any cost to building fulfillment from the inside out.
ᛉKey takeaways
- Alan says success from the outside in can look complete on paper, while fulfillment has to be built from the inside out.
- He believes being both professionally developed and personally developed, which he calls being ambidextrous, is what the 21st century asks of leaders.
- Alan found that his real gap was courage, not competence: he could apply and achieve, but he did not speak up.
- He describes coaching as more future oriented and therapy as more past oriented, and says both offer a safe space to be honest.
- Alan's closing reminder is that a wake-up call does not have to be a crash, and this conversation can be one.
ᛃ Moments in this one
ᚠSuccess vs fulfillment: a life that looked finished at 26
Alan Lazarus, co-founder and CEO of Next Level University, says that by 26 he had done what he thought mattered. He had a computer engineering degree, a master's in business, a job at a machine-vision company and a salary that had climbed to almost $200,000. He had also paid off $84,000 of debt in a single year and driven a $5,000 used car so he could invest the rest.
He still says achievement is important, just not as important as he believed. The gap between a full resume and a full life is the heart of this episode.
ᚢWhere the drive came from
Alan's father died in a car accident at 28, when Alan was two. His mother later married a man whose job paid well, and Alan calls ages 3 to 14 the "boats and BS" years, with a yacht, ski trips and a BMW in the driveway.
At 14 his stepfather left and took most of the income and his extended family with him. Around the same time his sister moved out and a fight between his mother and her sister cut them off from that side. Alan says he had effectively lost three families in one year, and he did not see it that way until therapy in his 30s.
He went from boats to free lunches and a Honda Civic. His response, he says, was to aim higher, work harder and get smarter.
ᚦThe crash that started his quarter-life crisis
In the winter of 2015, Alan was visiting New Hampshire with his cousin. Snow banks hid a yield sign, he ended up on the wrong side of the road and a lifted pickup came at him. Both airbags deployed and the car was totaled, but he and his cousin were physically okay.
Emotionally, he was not. His father had died in a car crash at the same age, and Alan felt this was the second chance his dad never got. He was flooded with regret and a question he could not shake: what was the point of all of it? That, he says, was his quarter-life crisis.
Alan describes his response as flipping the script. Instead of achieving at the expense of his character, he focused on improving himself and hoped success would follow. He says that after nine years it has.
ᚨEmotional maturity and the ambidextrous leader
Alan does not claim he was more emotionally immature than most American men. He says that in hindsight, and after a lot of therapy, it was obvious he was. He had never spoken about his father's death until after 26, when a former girlfriend told him she had noticed he never talked about his dad.
He sees most people as either professionally developed (resume, skills, economy) or heart-driven and doing the inner work, and finds it hard to be both. He argues that leaders now have to be ambidextrous. Jeremy, who has been a CEO, adds that a job can take all of a person's energy, and that late-night emails often get praised rather than questioned.
For people feeling that pull toward a deeper kind of growth, Jeremy offers individual therapy and ADHD coaching for high achievers.
ᚱFrom Alan Lazarus LLC to Next Level University
After the crash, Alan left his corporate job to focus on personal development. His first company aimed to bring the subject into schools, with a slogan he now jokes was not great for landing speeches. He then started a podcast, and his first guest was Kevin, who became his business partner. The captions spell the name "Kevin Paul Mary".
Around 400 episodes in, they rebranded as Next Level University because they could not find mentors who were holistic. Alan says the group now publishes an episode every day and has passed 1,700. He describes the aim as helping people grow in love, health and wealth together, not just one of them.
If you want conversation about this kind of growth beyond a job title, the Mindful Mutiny community has live Fireside Chats and a course library in the Thriving Spirits community.
ᚲThree kinds of people Alan coaches
Alan runs a business coaching practice, and he says his clients fall into three groups. Some are successful and want to scale without working 14-hour days. Some are successful but deeply unfulfilled, and need to rebuild their business around who they are now. Others are aligned with their calling but need fundamentals such as consistency and scheduling.
Jeremy adds that many midlife clients ask whether they can keep doing the same work for another ten years. He notes that fear of failure and of what others will think often holds people back from reinventing themselves.
If that question sounds familiar, Jeremy offers a short private conversation to talk through where you are.
ᚷCoaching vs therapy, and courage over competence
Alan says the main difference in his opinion is that coaching is more future oriented and therapy tends to be more past oriented, though he adds there are many differences. Jeremy values both for the safe space to say things aloud that you have never said.
Alan also splits courage into two kinds. He had competence courage, meaning he applied for jobs and schools and gave things a shot. What he lacked was social courage: he never spoke up, even when he thought someone was wrong. He now counts candor, telling people what you really think without being unkind, among his core values.
His message to listeners is simple: you have a bigger, better future, it takes courage and trust, and you do not need a car accident to start. If you are not sure whether therapy or coaching would suit you, Jeremy offers a straight read on whether his work is a fit.
This episode includes grief and loss. Coaching and therapy are discussed as Alan's own views. If you are struggling, please reach out to a licensed mental health professional or your local emergency services.
ᚨ Questions people ask
What is the difference between success and fulfillment?
Alan Lazarus describes success as something built from the outside in, such as income, titles and credentials. Fulfillment, in his view, is built from the inside out, through self-awareness, relationships and purpose, and he hopes success then follows as a byproduct.
What is a quarter-life crisis?
Alan uses the term for his own experience at 26, when a car accident left him asking what the point of his achievements was. He says it pushed him to stop avoiding the inner work and to put self-improvement first.
Why do successful people sometimes feel something is missing?
Alan believes high achievers can be strong in skills and weak in emotional development, because they spend years focused outward. He says this describes his own past, and that he was surrounded by others who were the same.
What is the difference between coaching and therapy?
Alan says that in his opinion coaching is more future oriented, while therapy tends to be more past oriented, and he notes there are many other differences. Both Alan and Jeremy value either one for the safe space it offers.
What does it mean to be an ambidextrous leader?
Alan means someone who has built both sides: professional skills such as a resume and networking, and the inner side, including vulnerability, honesty and humility. He says most people lean strongly one way and find the other side hard to develop.