Psychedelic therapy, in Chris Becker's experience, worked best as a slow process that began with ordinary talk therapy. A retired chemist with a PhD from UC Berkeley, he tells Jeremy Van Wert how drinking to numb childhood pain gave way, over about a year and a half, to feeling his emotions again and losing interest in alcohol.
ᛉKey takeaways
- Chris says he drank a bottle of wine most evenings, and that his answer to his doctor, "I like it," was only part of the truth.
- His licensed psychotherapist asked him to "pump the brakes" and explore why he drank before any medicine work began.
- Chris believes the work is more powerful when it is done professionally and responsibly, never as a do-it-yourself or recreational activity.
- He describes healing as a path and not a switch: a wound can heal until it no longer carries a charge, though the history remains.
- In his view, intentions beforehand and integration afterward are what turn a journey into changes in daily life.
- Chris still works with a guide a few times a year, and says he would not do it alone.
ᛃ Moments in this one
ᚠDrinking to numb old pain
Chris Becker is 73 and spent about 40 years as a chemist, with a PhD from UC Berkeley. He says he carried developmental trauma from a tough childhood, and that drinking was its most obvious sign. He was a functional drinker with a good career, and a bottle of wine most evenings.
Every year at his physical, his doctor asked why he drank so much. He answered, "I like it." Looking back, Chris calls that true in a way, and also unaware. He describes what was really going on as self-medication: a way of numbing pain that heals nothing and causes other problems.
The turning point was small. After he retired, his brother asked, "Why don't you quit drinking?" Chris knew deep down that his brother was right, and his brother added that he needed a plan, and that saying "I'll stop drinking" was not enough.
ᚢWhy talk therapy came before psychedelic therapy
Chris had recently read Michael Pollan's How to Change Your Mind, which covers the history of psychedelics used for alcohol abuse, depression and anxiety. That book became his plan. He searched the internet until he found a licensed psychotherapist in San Francisco who worked with psychedelic-assisted therapy.
At the first meeting he said he wanted to stop drinking and try psychedelic-assisted psychotherapy. The therapist suggested they "pump the brakes" and first explore why he was drinking. That opened up his childhood, which Chris says he knew about but understood better with a trained guide.
Jeremy praises that choice. Stopping a habit is one goal, he says, but there is often much more going on underneath. Chris adds his own view that this work is more powerful with the medicines when it is professional and responsible, and that it is not recreational or do-it-yourself. If you are weighing where to begin, Jeremy's individual therapy and psychedelic integration work is one place to start.
ᚦWhat changed after the first MDMA session
After a few months of weekly talk sessions, Chris began journeys with the medicine every two or three months, while the weekly talks continued. He started with MDMA, which he calls a heart-opening medicine and a gentle way to begin. After a couple of those sessions he moved to psilocybin mushrooms.
He says even the first journey brought a shift. His emotions had been blocked, not frightening. Soon afterward, a moving scene in a show brought tears, and he realized that would not have happened before.
Over the following months, Chris says he lost his interest in drinking without white-knuckling it. He also says he could see how he had protected himself, and felt released from a kind of prison. He is clear that psychedelics are not for everybody. His account is his own, not a promise of the same result.
ᚨSpiritual bypassing and what meditation could not do
Chris grew up with a Jewish father and a Protestant mother, and neither tradition resonated with him. He found Buddhism in his early twenties and has meditated for decades. Jeremy asks the obvious question: why didn't that heal him?
Chris points to spiritual bypassing, a phrase he credits to a San Francisco psychologist. In his view, people can use meditation and study to reach for peace while skipping emotional healing, and some teachers who do that become poor or even abusive teachers. He says the medicine work actually helped his meditation, and he still meditates because he enjoys it.
ᚱHealing as a path, not a switch
Asked about his biggest transformation, Chris describes a more open heart, more compassion toward others and a deeper appreciation for the time he has on earth. He also describes a different worldview, one he feels in his body and not only in his head.
On when the childhood pain let go, he says it was not one journey. It came after about a year and a half of cumulative work. He compares trauma to a wound that leaves a scar: the history stays, but the charge can discharge, and you can look back with compassion.
He repeats that this is a path, not a switch, and borrows a line from another person that the medicine is not fairy dust. The person has to be committed. That is why he stresses intentions before a journey and integration afterward, meaning a plan for what to do each day that reinforces what was learned. If you want company on that path, the Mindful Mutiny community offers live conversation and a course library.
ᚲDivine masculine, divine feminine and a mushroom journey
Jeremy asks about a theme in Chris's books, the divine masculine and divine feminine. Chris describes one mushroom journey in which he shouted for what he calls toxic male energy to get out of him, a result, he says, of growing up in a sexist 1950s environment. He calls it cathartic.
He also describes visions of a divine mother as a healing presence. He thinks of the divine masculine as source energy, like the sun, and the feminine as the earth that lets it blossom. He says he is not sure he is an expert, and he frames all of this as his own experience.
ᚷWorking with a guide today
Chris still takes journeys a few times a year, always with a guide. He calls it the right way to do it, because you can relax body and heart when you know you are cared for. He says the work is now more spiritual, though some further softening still happens.
He also says his relationships with his children and his ex-wife have improved. For readers who want deeper work in a small group, Jeremy offers a three-day psychedelic-assisted psychotherapy retreat in the Sierra Nevada. If you are not sure it fits, a straight read on whether this work suits you is available too.
Psychedelics and plant medicines may be illegal where you live and aren't right for everyone. Nothing here is a recommendation to use any substance. Chris's account is his own experience, not a promise of any result.
ᚨ Questions people ask
Can psychedelic therapy help with alcohol?
Chris says it did for him, and that he lost interest in drinking without white-knuckling it. He is clear that psychedelics are not for everybody and that his account is personal, not a promise.
Why did Chris start with talk therapy first?
His therapist asked to "pump the brakes" and explore why he was drinking before any medicine work. Chris says that opened awareness of his childhood and made the later sessions more powerful.
How long did the healing take?
Chris says it was a cumulative process of about a year to a year and a half, not one journey. He describes it as a path and not a switch.
What is spiritual bypassing?
Chris credits the phrase to a San Francisco psychologist. In his view it means using spiritual practice, such as years of meditation, to reach for peace while skipping emotional healing.
Why does integration matter after a journey?
Chris says what you learn in a journey only matters if you bring it into daily life. His therapist helped him make a plan for what to do every day to reinforce it.