A late ADHD diagnosis can feel like an answer and a loss at the same time. In this conversation, business consultant Kae Ricketts tells Jeremy Van Wert how she masked and overachieved through school, was diagnosed with ADHD at 30 and received an autism diagnosis years later. She describes the grief, the isolation and the way she now talks about her needs.
ᛉKey takeaways
- Kae was a high achiever through school, and she says the real cost showed up in mental effort and in friendships that stayed at the surface.
- Masking, for Kae, meant mirroring other people's behavior to be welcomed, and she says it took planning that others did without thinking.
- The jump from a structured home and high school to the freedom of college is where Kae's workable plan fell apart.
- Learning words like time blindness, demand avoidance and rejection sensitivity gave Kae relief, but also a sense of grief for the years without them.
- Kae now describes what she experiences, such as a noisy room being too much, instead of leading with a diagnosis label.
ᛃ Moments in this one
ᚠWhat a late ADHD diagnosis can look like from the inside
Kae Ricketts received her ADHD diagnosis at 30, though she says the signs were there all along. Her preschool teachers raised concerns and recommended testing. Her parents, who had recently immigrated from Jamaica, did not finish the process, and Kae says she understands that stigma and an unfamiliar country shaped their choice.
When the diagnosis did come, she was prescribed medication and, in her words, left on her own. There was little guidance on what the diagnosis meant or how to work with it. Later she received an autism diagnosis as well, which she describes as another layer added on.
Jeremy, who is neurodivergent himself, says he and Kae have more in common than they expected. If you recognize yourself in a story like this, Jeremy works with adults on exactly these questions through individual therapy and ADHD coaching.
ᚢMasking, mirroring and the cost of being a high achiever
Kae finished her work first in a Montessori school, then skipped a grade and graduated high school with one of the top GPAs, National Honor Society membership and an academic scholarship. From the outside, nothing looked wrong. She says the price was the mental weight of reminding herself to stay on task and the planning behind things other people did without thinking.
The hidden struggle, she says, was interpersonal. She could mirror the behavior of others to be welcomed and she made friends, but she says those bonds stayed at the surface because it was an act. Her mind was always working, always scanning, and that took a toll on her energy.
Jeremy notes that a high IQ is common among people with ADHD and can help with compensating. That is part of why high achievement can hide neurodivergence for so long.
ᚦWhen school structure disappears: college, procrastination and demand avoidance
Kae grew up in a strict household and learned the formula for school early. Then she moved onto a campus with no structure and, in her words, overcorrected. She could still do well in class, but she says performance anxiety hit at every final exam and paper.
She would reach the finish line and make excuses to professors, who graciously gave incompletes. Procrastination and what she now calls demand avoidance kept her from finishing them, the incompletes turned into Fs, and the school placed her on academic probation. She says she still does not know exactly why it happened, but the new vocabulary has helped her understand the pattern.
During that year she began ADHD testing, took courses at a community college to prove she was ready to return, and became pregnant. Kae says that having a new life on the way flipped the switch on her motivation. She took 18 credits, her son arrived six weeks early, and she crossed the graduation stage with a three-month-old.
ᚨThriving in chaos, and why that is a double-edged lesson
Kae calls the lesson from that period a bad one. She learned she can stay level-headed in chaos, and she says there is chaos in her mind all the time, so an emergency feels like baseline. The catch is that she waits for the emergency before she moves.
Jeremy describes this as one of the oddities of ADHD: people around you cannot understand why you are calm in a crisis. The difficulty, he says, is that people with ADHD are not always good at noticing when they are not handling many things well. Kae agrees and says she is still working on it.
ᚱAutism diagnosis in adults: relief, grief and isolation
After a first round of testing where, Kae says, nothing changed aside from the prescription, social media played a large part in her decision to be tested again. Creators described time blindness, demand avoidance and rejection sensitivity, and she thought it sounded like her. The autism diagnosis gave her a sense of relief and a name for her experience.
It also brought grief. Kae says she wondered what her life would have looked like with the terminology, support and guidance earlier. She then spent roughly a year isolated, thinking back and not knowing how to tell the people close to her.
Her path forward has been self-directed research and trying out what works. If you are in a similar place and want company on it, the Mindful Mutiny community offers real conversation, live Fireside Chats and a course library.
ᚲNeurodivergent thinking as a business strength
Kae works in process improvement and change management, and she began doing that work in a hospital laboratory role before she knew the terms for it. Today she offers consulting to small and mid-sized businesses and larger organizations, sometimes as a fractional resource. She describes it as letting others rent her brain for a fresh set of eyes.
She calls systems thinking, in which she has already run each scenario in her head, a superpower. Jeremy, who was a CEO and once hired a consultant for similar work, adds that silent pushback to change inside organizations is very real. Kae says her change management training and her ability to read and mirror people help her bring the people side along.
ᚷHow to explain sensory overload without the labels
Kae says she is still on her transparency journey. The diagnosis was about two years ago, she told almost no one for roughly a year, and she can count on one hand the people she has talked to about it. She still wonders whether to bring it up at all, including on a first date.
What has worked lately is leaving the diagnosis code and the fancy words off the table. Instead she describes behavior and experience. For sensory overload, that sounds like saying a place is really loud and she would prefer a quieter spot where they can connect.
Jeremy closes by naming what he values in Kae: her sincerity and her willingness to talk openly about struggle. If you are weighing whether to start your own conversation, you can book a private consultation with Jeremy.
This conversation shares one person's lived experience and is not medical advice or a substitute for evaluation by a qualified professional. The episode briefly mentions medication; please talk with your own prescriber about any questions.
ᚨ Questions people ask
Why is ADHD sometimes diagnosed late?
In Kae's case, early concerns from teachers were never turned into a formal diagnosis, and she says she was a high achiever who masked and compensated. She was diagnosed at 30. Jeremy adds that a high IQ can help people with ADHD compensate.
What is masking in ADHD and autism?
Kae describes masking as mirroring the behavior of others so she would be welcomed. She says it let her make friends, but the connections stayed at the surface and the effort drained her energy.
Why can college be so hard for a high achiever with ADHD?
Kae says the structure of her strict home and high school had carried her, and college removed it. She describes performance anxiety, procrastination and demand avoidance that led to incompletes and academic probation.
Can a late diagnosis bring grief as well as relief?
Kae says it did both. She felt relief at having a name for her experience, then grief about the support and terminology she did not have earlier, followed by about a year of isolation.
How can you explain sensory overload without using a diagnosis?
Kae now describes the experience and what she needs, such as saying a place is too loud and she would rather choose a quieter activity. She says this has worked better for her than relying on formal terms.